Sunday, August 27, 2006

Welcome to Silence the Shame

After much deliberation, I've decided to launch a new blog that is a secret-sharing space. As you may know, I am the creator of and the Survivors Can Thrive! blog. I am a child abuse survivor. I am an incest survivor. I am a rape survivor. I want this space to be a safe harbor for other survivors to share secrets, in order to stop the silence, silence the shame and break the cycle of abuse.

I also want this space to feel safe and cathartic for anyone who wants to get a secret off of his or her chest in an environment that provides a cleansing, comforting, supportive release. This is no place for bragging, lying or shaming.

If you want to share a secret: Post it on your blog and comment here with the permalink. If you'd rather share here and go, submit a comment of 1,000 characters or less (including spaces). You choose whether to click on "anonymous" or reveal your blogger identity. I will cut and paste secrets shared and they will appear as separate posts. (Submissions will be stored in my e-mail box and will appear here when I post them. They will not appear in the comment section.)

You are welcome to comment on secret posts, as long as your comments are supportive. They will appear in the Blogger comments box, as usual. You may offer kudos, congratulations, comfort and compassion for posters who have been brave enough to share. There will be no unsolicited advice, attacks or heated debates allowed when commenting on secrets shared.

To get the ball rolling, I promised to share a secret of my own. Here it is:

I'm convinced that I'm an alien
Marooned on planet Earth.

I love my child,
My husband
My sister

As much as I can
Considering we're not even
The same species.

It's not that I
Ever really wanted to die,
It's just that
I'm so homesick.

My greatest fear
Is that
I'll never remember
Where "home" is.

Copyright 2006 by Marj McCabe--All Rights Reserved.


At 11:46 PM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Instructions: Decide how you want to share--
1) Post on your own blog and provide a permalink here on the comments (This will not be anonymous, unless you have a particularly cryptic blog). I will link to your post when I post.

2) Post here and go. Be brief--1,000 characters or less (including spaces). I'll collect the comment in my inbox, then I'll copy and paste it onto a new post on the main page. (It won't appear here with true comments.) If you identify yourself as another Blogger or "Other" with a link, I'll link to you. If you check "Anonymous" I will respect your anonymity.

*Note: If you want to share two or more secrets, please submit two separate comments.

At 12:13 PM, Blogger brian said...

Thank Marj for stepping forward and giving me and others a safe place to share. I thank you for the love and compassion you have shown me when I shared my secrets.

I understand your poem all too well. Being a survivor is being an alien. You're different, you no longer have a safe home, you can't ever trust again.

You want to, to trust. You want to feel normal, but no one else understands the panic, the desperation, the crawling sensation in your flesh that makes you flay youself. Yes, we can heal, but there is always scars left behind. Please don't stare at us. It wasn't our fault.

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Brian: A big, heart-felt thank you to you. Thanks for understanding. When I posted that secret/poem, I really felt like an "out-there weirdo." I feel better now. I appreciate all your support, in all its forms!

At 10:12 AM, Anonymous beautifuldreamer said...

Wow, Marj, I couldn't have said it better myself. I've always felt the odd man out, the misfit, the alien. There is a component to surviving childhood abuse which gives one that rather warped sense of not belonging anywhere. I too have been homesick all my life, but have never figured out for what. Maybe for the cosmos I once knew which turned into raging chaos. Thanks for the heart honesty and this space for all who need to write their secrets!

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Beautiful Dreamer: You are so welcome and Thank YOU for your support. I felt like such a freakazoid when I wrote that secret/poem. Now I feel better 'cause I know I'm not alone.

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Dreaming again said...

Marj, if you want to link my post from last night ... you can (it's called "Another Hard Posting"

At 8:31 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Thanks, PK (you brave woman)! I'll go on over there and check it out.

At 2:02 AM, Anonymous Adeline said...

Ive never been on a blogger before and dont quite know how it works so I guess Im a virgin blogger? :)

I wanted to come by and give you a hug Marj!!!! You are a dear one! Eversince I met you, you have been the rock to me and you were the one who pointed out that I might have PTSD. Something my meds- precribing dr didnt diagnose me as or given me any treatment on it except meds of course!

It has helped me understand myself alot more. I use to think I was insane and belonged to the mental institution especially when my depression sunk really dirt bottom.

Im sorry I didnt see this post before I dont know how I could have missed it but I want to thank you for giving us this great place to mend and to speak out ! I hope you are doing better! I hope you have more good days than bad days and I hope you find this well!

Thinking of you !


At 11:01 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Adeline: Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment--you did it all just right! I really appreciate the support and encouragement. I'm feeling a bit better today (9/6/06). I wish all survivors could know this: we are NOT insane or crazy and we don't belong to the insane asylum. We just have trauma to deal with.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Hope Forus said...

Marj: You are absolutely correct! We are NOT home. Not just because we were abused and treated as less than human, but because our eternal home is in heaven with God. Now, I don't want to sound crazy, but you know me and my faith, so here goes...when my daughter was tiny, barely able to talk complete sentences, she used to talk about heaven and the angels. She would ask me, "Mommy where did the angels go?" At first I did not understand what she meant, because I do believe we can have brief encounters and invisible encounters with angels here on earth. But, what she said next made it clear to me that she was speaking of a place she had come from before her little soul was placed in my womb. She said, "I want to go back there now. Will you take me, Mommy?"

Just thinking about this brings tears to my eyes still today...nearly 13 years later! The older we get, the more we forget that we are not FROM this earthly home. We came from and are returning to our TRUE home. Don't forget! Keep the faith and let's all go home together!

Love in Christ, Hope

At 9:06 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Hope: Yes, I know to my bones that we all come from pure light and love (God) and that we'll return there. Unfortunately, some of us had parents who have so blackened their own light and forgotten what love is. I think their abuse of innocent children may be an attempt to shame them out of the light that they themselves can no longer see/feel. I wrote about this once...maybe I'll post it.

I get this notion sometimes that my soul just picked an incredibly hard journey for this life. Sometimes I just want to ask God, "Beam me up, Scotty! I've got to abort this mission!" But, I know that I will be at peace and reunited with pure love and light when I leave this earth. Aaahhh! :)

At 11:33 AM, Anonymous Martin said...

I, too, struggle with that feeling. I often think that I belong to another plane of existence and am stranded here. It's very rare for me to think of myself as human. In fact, I often doubt I exist at all. I know that last one is delusional, but I can't shake it.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Martin: Thank you for visiting. Thanks, too, for reminding me that I'm not the only one who can feel that I'm stranded here. I felt totally alone with that when I first wrote it down.

I can't be in your head, of course, but that last one about existing at all reminds me of some of my dissociative states when I've been dealing with my PTSD. My times of feeling "unreal" have been trauma related. Whatever your personal circumstances, I hope you take gentle care.

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is "home"
They ask, "What are you feeling?"
What is "Feeling"

I can't seem to get out
I don't know if there is anyone there, I'm not sure there ever was.

A body exists, I know it's mine.
I see my hands, my legs, my feet.

They tell me I'm 43
What's that?
And stil...I keep goint
...I don't know how to
do it any other way

I have therapy and meds
I don't have resources to start a life. What to do?

Blind Running

At 7:33 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Blind Running: that was very moving. Thank you for sharing with us.

At 3:57 AM, Blogger Briar said...

I've been posting on survivor's forums and people are very supportive. But I just don't know what to do with myself. I've always considered the abues I suffered was quite mild. But I have symptoms of there having been worse stuff than I can remember. I don't have many memories. And for the first time, twice this week I've been scared in bed at night because I felt there was something in the house. Dread has taken hold as I write. What do I do with this?.
I'd like to link my blog with yours but don't know how.

At 10:02 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Briar: Thanks for visiting. I put up a comment (sorry, it's rather long) on your blog. You may want to visit my other blog, "Survivors Can Thrive!" for more up-to-date survivor community information. Believe me, you are not alone!

At 6:19 AM, Anonymous London Web Design said...

Nice discussion, i've just stumbled on on this blog and I've learned a lot.Thanks! Keep blogging.

At 8:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how to do this and want to be sure before I chose a name. Thank you for having this blog. I've been suffering alone for a long time, as I'm terrified of any authority like so-called professionals having control of me. My child abuse was so complete, it affects everything. It helps to read the comments of others who might understand. By way of introduction, I'm a 62 year old American woman survivor of child sex abuse, rape, and multiple head injuries both by my father and by attackers. I've been on SSDI since 1989 classified as post-multiple concussion and PTSD. You can call me "kw". Which category below do I put that in? Tx.

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

Anonymous/KW: Where you put your comment is just fine. Thank you so much for having the courage to share here.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time right now to keep this blog up-to-date. But, I do have another blog called Survivors Can Thrive! That I keep up better than this one. I also organize a monthly blog carnival against child abuse, if you are interested in that. I think you would find that, indeed, there are many others who understand.

That blog is at:

At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Home Security said...

Your sharing helped me a lot, thank you very much, and i really appreciate it.


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