Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Drinking To Blot It All Out

I'll share one. And it doesn't have to be anon.

During the worst of my symptoms of PTSD and dissociation, when all the memories were flooding back to me, I started drinking heavily at night. It was really just to sleep, without the nightmares. To blot it all out.

So I am better now. But I can't kick the drinking. Granted it's far better now than it was a couple of years ago. But still every night, a couple glasses of wine, sometimes more.

It's too much. I am not in denial at all. I used to drink just a glass or two with dinner once or twice a week. I would love to be able to go back to that.

AA isn't for me....just the whole God thing, and having to say I am powerless seems way too self-defeating. I am trying to overcome being powerless. (I do admire those who utilize the AA program....it's just not a program right for me.)

So I thought if I could just get it there, maybe I can go for a day without the wine, then another.....WW

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Welcome to Silence the Shame

After much deliberation, I've decided to launch a new blog that is a secret-sharing space. As you may know, I am the creator of www.survivorscanthrive.com and the Survivors Can Thrive! blog. I am a child abuse survivor. I am an incest survivor. I am a rape survivor. I want this space to be a safe harbor for other survivors to share secrets, in order to stop the silence, silence the shame and break the cycle of abuse.

I also want this space to feel safe and cathartic for anyone who wants to get a secret off of his or her chest in an environment that provides a cleansing, comforting, supportive release. This is no place for bragging, lying or shaming.

If you want to share a secret: Post it on your blog and comment here with the permalink. If you'd rather share here and go, submit a comment of 1,000 characters or less (including spaces). You choose whether to click on "anonymous" or reveal your blogger identity. I will cut and paste secrets shared and they will appear as separate posts. (Submissions will be stored in my e-mail box and will appear here when I post them. They will not appear in the comment section.)

You are welcome to comment on secret posts, as long as your comments are supportive. They will appear in the Blogger comments box, as usual. You may offer kudos, congratulations, comfort and compassion for posters who have been brave enough to share. There will be no unsolicited advice, attacks or heated debates allowed when commenting on secrets shared.

To get the ball rolling, I promised to share a secret of my own. Here it is:

I'm convinced that I'm an alien
Marooned on planet Earth.

I love my child,
My husband
My sister

As much as I can
Considering we're not even
The same species.

It's not that I
Ever really wanted to die,
It's just that
I'm so homesick.

My greatest fear
Is that
I'll never remember
Where "home" is.

Copyright 2006 by Marj McCabe--All Rights Reserved.